K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
