I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
