We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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