your room smells of hookers.
And success
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
