Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
