Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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