just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
