Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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