Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize