im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
