he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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