i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
