Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
