They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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