I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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