just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
