She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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