you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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