Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
