Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
