i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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