Fine. I'll sleep in my office
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize