put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
