had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize