HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
