Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
what the fuck happened to the tacos
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
