I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
