i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
