I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
420 ftw
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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