I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
