You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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