i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
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