I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
