i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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