would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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