Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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