just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
