I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
