your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I need a burrito and a hug.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
