Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
