Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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