Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
