He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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