Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
