Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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