I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
