dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
