no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Found the puke drawer
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
