Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
tell your sister to shave her snatch
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
