Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
