why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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