I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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