I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
