READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
