Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
