He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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