Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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