I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
