Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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