I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
His nipple licking is glorious
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