Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
