Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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