So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
She made me pour olive oil on her.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize