they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Randomize
