i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
