Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
