I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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