So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
