Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
