OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
