In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
