never play flip cup with pint glasses
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Randomize