It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
