That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I currently don't understand fingers.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
