I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
