I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize