Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize