ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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