i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
