Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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