i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
