he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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