I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
