im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
