You work out of a Hotel?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
