I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize