this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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