Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
