Whod you bang
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
