Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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