I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
