I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize