puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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