you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
