I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
