And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
