who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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