those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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