Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
