47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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