I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
