Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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