wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
